Someone once scolded me that I should be more ashamed of my flaws, and not be as comfortable admitting them. I wondered to myself if it was really possible to be more ashamed of my shortcomings. Eventually, I determined that yes, I could probably drive myself to madness by obsessing on them. There are a couple of key elements to my admitting my foibles and flaws – method in what madness already exists.
One, a disclosure of said faults should not be mistaken for a dismissal or justification of them. Being honest about them never absolves a person from the duties of penance where necessary, and improvement when possible. Naming the beast doesn’t give me a free pass to allow it run by unopposed and destroy a village. These are my own issues, and I have a responsibility to manage or conquer them, and accept any consequences in letting them get the best of me.
Two, I like to make it clear where I stand in strong relationships. In these situations, my self-disclosure acts as a warning label on a bottle. There are possible side effects in taking on interpersonal communications and involvement with me. I want people to understand beforehand, because one of those flaws is a hyper-sensitivity to disappointing others.
Richard Bach said, “Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours.” Not understanding the power of expectations in relationships got me into a lot of trouble, years ago. It was a strong lesson that stuck. I think I came out much better afterward, but I think it’s telling that it was at this time that my penchant for blunt self-disclosure began.
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